Marriage is a highly significant form of bond that has negative consequences when broken. The end of a marriage can lead to devastating effects on a child. In due time, parents are able to move on with their lives and onto other partners after divorce. However, it is the children that carry the trauma of being torn apart emotionally and psychologically from their family, throughout their lives.sni
This can further lead to mental health problems within children like depression, criminal conduct disorders, antisocial traits/personality disorder and substance abuse to name a few.sni
Reaction of children to divorce
Every child can react differently towards divorce. Common types of behaviour presented include the following:sni
Denial is more common in younger children and surfaces as story telling. For example, me and my parents are all going to Disneyland.sni
Abandonment is another common reaction, which includes children worrying who will take care of them.sni
Anger and hostility are common too. Children may demonstrate this type of behaviour towards peers, siblings or parents. As a result, it can also lead to impairment within school performance.sni
On the other hand, children who are not expressive can end up being depressed. Blame and guilt are reactions that most children feel. They often feel responsible for their parents’ divorce, and that somehow their behaviour contributed to it.sni
Factors affecting the reactions
Children’s psychological reactions to their parents’ divorce vary in degree dependent on three factors:sni
- The quality of their relationship with each of their parents before the separation
- The intensity and duration of the parental conflict
- Parents’ ability to focus on the needs of children in their divorce
Research has found that conflict, rather than divorce itself, acts as the single most critical determining factor in children’s post-divorce adjustment. Children who succeed after divorce have parents who can communicate effectively and work together as parents.sni
Role of parents
Parents have an important role to play post-divorce in order to ensure that the upbringing and well being of their child remains to the best standard they can provide. John Bowlby, a famous British Psychoanalyst, focused his work on attachment theory. He found that children learn how to be in relationships by their relations with their parents. If they are secure in their relationship with their parents, chances are they will adapt well to various time-sharing schedules and experience security and fulfilment in their intimate relationships in adulthoodsni
Child custody
In Pakistan, the Guardians and Ward Act 1890 is the major law governing child custody. Its general rule suggests that mothers are to be given preference in the custody of minor children whether male or female. However, in recent times, quite often such litigation proves damaging for both the children and the parents. This in particular can often overlook the rights and preference of the child.sni
Elsewhere in the world, parents going through divorce are being encouraged to resolve child custody through mutual agreement. This includes using out-of-court dispute-resolution processes like mediation and collaborative law. This legal approach to family-conflict resolution is increasingly gaining acceptance in many countries around the world.sni
Encouraging such methods within Pakistan would warrant a review of the 1980 Act. Effectively, in the long run, it would be beneficial by avoiding numerous court processes, high legal fees and reducing the length of such processes which can be tedious plus emotionally and physically draining for both the parents and the children.sni
